I'm just an animal looking for a home

Journal Entry

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Note:  The only changes to this entry are minor corrections to grammar, punctuation, formatting, and spelling.  I’ve also removed any last names which appeared.

I love Maile.  We went to the movies last night at 9:30PM and saw Robin Hood.  It was rather cool, and some of the death scenes were quite awesome (or “buff”, as Maile might say), but the best part by far was the fact that Maile was there with me.  The only minor problem is that I think she may like Cameron.  If she does, and they go together, I don’t know what I’d do.  (Aside from being insanely jealous, of course.)  I imagine if she read this it might keep her from going out with Cameron because she is so polite and nice that she probably would sacrifice her happiness for another’s.  I would feel incredibly guilty if she did that for me, however.  I just hope she likes me.  I doubt she likes me as much as I like her, but such is life.  I am trying to be as nice as possible towards her, but I am at the same time making her feel sorry for me by telling her about Susan, Bill, and Sabrina.  I don’t want her to be nice to me out of pity!  I want her to like me because she likes me, and not because she feels sorry for me.  I am already planning a Christmas present for her, in hopes that what I write in the card might show my deep affection for her.  I will prove it to her somehow.  I hope it doesn’t turn out like it did with Sabrina.  I am overjoyed to be her friend, but it would be heaven to go out with her.  Although I think she is beautiful (I KNOW she’s beautiful!), that, amazingly enough, is not the primary reason I love her.  Only two other people have had such an impact on me, and only one I knew in person.  Sabrina and Kirsty.  I am not sure about Kirsty totally, but I know I liked Sabrina for more than her body.  I would give my life, my happiness, and anything else for any of them in an instant.  I am not sure how to convey this to Maile.  It would soung like I was just trying to make her like me.  I wish I could discover a way to convince her for sure.  I am fairly sure that if she read this she would believe it, because she is very trusting.  It is one of her many good traits.  I have not found any fault in her yet, and I am fairly sure I will find none later.  She is, as far as I am concerned, perfect.  The one other thing that might prove a problem is that I don’t think I am good enough for her.  I don’t consider myself worthy, but my mind, that widely-reputed greedy bastard, doesn’t seem to care.  Parts of me just want her to love me, and they don’t care how or why.  I am keeping that side of me in check.

The whole time I write this I am hoping Maile will read it.  I think it would make her like me.  Maile, if you read this, I swear on the Holy Bible that all of the above is true, but if you don’t like me for who I am, don’t let this convince you.  I believe it is unavoidable that you’ll read this, so keep in mind that you must follow your feelings about this, and don’t worry about how I feel.  I’ve had some hard times (don’t feel sad!) but they’re worth it if you’re happy.  I love you.

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Author: mitcharf

vegan, curmudgeon, animal lover, feminist, agnostic, cat whisperer, bookworm, hermit, Red Sox fan, Cthulhu enthusiast, softball player, man-about-town

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  1. Pingback: I'm just an animal looking for a home | Journal Entry

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