Note: The only changes to this entry are minor corrections to grammar, punctuation, formatting, and spelling. I’ve also removed any last names which appeared, except in the case of teachers.
Well, a couple of days ago (the night of 12/26) Maile met me at 1AM (more like 1:20AM!) in front of our houses. We went to my room (it was raining) and talked until 5AM, when I went outside to walk her home. (BTW, I gave her my gift!) All the doors to her house were locked. She was laughing. It was funny. Standing there in the dark, I don’t think I’ve ever loved her more. I would have done anything she had asked, even if it were “Break into my house and wake my parents.” It was intense. Well, we opened her garage door and got her in, but the dogs ran out. We rounded up the dogs, got them in the garage, and said a quick goodbye. I had gone home and almost fallen asleep when I wondered if she could be locked in her garage. I went out and checked, but she apparently had gotten in safely. Yesterday I discovered she got in no trouble and nobody suspected a thing. It was the best night of my life.
During our conversation I said I wouldn’t mind if my parents were dead. Well, I was just talking to my father today when I thought of when I said that. I felt so guilty. I would care if my father died. When I talk to Maile, I forget all else but her. I love her. I want to meet her in the night again, but I always want to meet her, and although she claims to care and like me, I always get the feeling it isn’t true. I don’t think she’s lying, but I never believe anyone who says they like me, depe down. I’d call and meet Maile more, but I’d feel guilty. I think that she hates meeting and talking to me, despite what she says. I know she wouldn’t lie, and that logically she doesn’t dislike me, but subconsciously I must have a really low self-esteem. Damn.
P.S. She said she believed me and my journal.