I'm just an animal looking for a home

Journal Entry


Note:  The only changes to this entry are minor corrections to grammar, punctuation, formatting, and spelling.  I’ve also removed any last names which appeared, except in the case of teachers.

I’m on a plane, flying home to Maine for the holidays.  I’m returning on January 4th.  Why so brief?  I don’t remember if I’ve mentioned it before, but I’ve been working for a company called PSW Technologies since July 16 of this year.  Unlike when I was in school, I do not have a great deal of time off for the holidays.  I am using the majority of my vacation time for this year on this trip.  Next year I may even have to stay for less time, because I have other trips planned.  Anyway, these things aren’t really worth recording in here, so I’ll move on to more interesting subjects.

I met a girl named Tammy W at Andy Swan’s Halloween party.  Apparently we had a class together in 10th grade at Tomball High School (Mrs. Soignier’s English class).  She remembered me, but I did not remember her.  Anyway, she and I dated for about a week.  She’s a nice girl, but we’re not very compatible.  She is too…  I’m not good with words right now.  Suffice it to say that we can’t even be close friends very well, let alone have a closer relationship.  Now we’re casual friends, but she apparently is still attracted to me.  Alas.

Other news: Leigh Anne, a friend of Libby’s, has been infatuated with me for a few months.  She has a lot of problems and she shouldn’t be dating anyone until she resolves them.  We never dated.  She’s made advances and once, when I was drunk, we fooled around, but that stopped when she told me that she was a virgin.  I don’t know if I would have gone further with her had she not been a virgin (drunk though I was, I made it clear to her up front that there would be no relationship), but I was definitely not prepared to be her first.  I think her infatuation has waned somewhat, but I have little doubt that I could still take advantage of her if I was so inclined.

Also: Laura K came by a few weeks ago and we talked all night.  It was very good to see her.  I’d always been attracted to her, but until now she’d been with someone else, or I had.  I didn’t broach the subject with her that night, but I called her the next day and explained how I felt.  No,that’s wrong — I misremembered.  I wrote her an e-mail first, and then later called her to talk about it.  No clear conclusion was reached.  She was not without interest, but she was not head over heels either.  There were concerns raised — primarily that she is living in Houston now, so dating would be difficult.  Also, although I don’t remember how extensively we discussed this, we’re already very good friends.  It would be strange taking the step to a relationship, given that we’ve been friends for quite some time.  Nevertheless, I was cautiously hopeful.  She was pretty busy until the holidays, so nothing could be done right away.  We decided to wait and see what happens.  We’ve exchanged a few emails since that time, but this subject was not brought up again.

However, shortly after she and I had our talk, I met a girl named Keri online.  She and I exchanged several e-mails, and she explored my webpage.  I invited her to my softball game last Thursday (Dec 16) — I manage and play on a softball team called the Ice Weasels — and she came.  My first reaction upon seeing her was that she was gorgeous.  Which she is.  I didn’t get a great opportunity to talk to her during the game because I was playing in it (I wasn’t supposed to be, but some people didn’t show up).  After the game I invited her to come with me to the PSW Christmas party.  She accepted.  We talked for a couple of hours, and then I drove her home.  I invited her to my party the next night.  She attended and we talked for a couple more hours.  I saw her next on Sunday (the party was Friday), when she went to dinner with me, Brian F, and Leslie (Brian’s girlfriend).  Then she came back to my place and we all drank and talked.  Also present was Curtis, Karl (a fan of the softball team who, I found out last night, is suicidal and wants my help — more on that later), and…Monica.  I’m less hung up on Monica now.  Anyway, Keri ended up spending the night with me, although we didn’t go very far sexually (which was a good idea, I think).  I drove her home in the morning on the way to work.  Her family is in Houston, so she went home for the holidays that day.  I called her last night (Tuesday) and we talked for a little while.  She gets back on Sunday (Dec 26).  We’ve already planned to see each other the night I get back.  Although we haven’t formally said it, we’re dating…exclusively, I’m pretty sure.  She’s very nice, a little shy, and she can make me laugh.  I don’t know her incredibly well yet, but the more time I spend with her, the happier she makes me.

So last night Karl called me.  Wait — some background first.  Karl went to TAMS for a month — I don’t remember him, but he knew who I was.  He wrote to me when he learned we were both in Austin.  I invited him to a softball game (it’s my new favorite way to meet people from online) and he came.  I’ve seen him a number of times since then.  He is very quiet, so I didn’t learn much about him at first.  I have come to learn that he is very lonely and depressed.  Last night he called, wanting to hang out with Brian F and I (Brian, Maile, and I live together).  Brian and Leslie were going to dinner and I had to pack, so I said we were busy.  He called back about fifteen minutes later and said he might not be here when I got back.  We talked for about 30 minutes.  He is suicidal — it may or may not be for attention that he called me, but I have no doubt that he is genuinely and severely depressed.  He promised not to do anything before I returned, and I gave him Curtis’ e-mail address — Curtis offered to help because he has more experience with this sort of thing, and he’ll be back in Austin before me.  The phone call really shook me up.  I guess I’ll talk to Curtis and e-mail Karl and keep an eye on things while I’m in Maine.

Laura is going to fly up to Maine on the 29th.  Matt and I are going to Atlantic City (for poker) on the 30th, and we’re spending New Year’s Eve in New York City.  I invited Laura when she was at my house, and she took me up on it.  It will be fun — previous to Keri I would have used the trip as an opportunity to feel out the situation with Laura further, but now it’ll just be good times with my brother and a good friend.  I’m looking forward to it.

I’m landing in about 15 minutes, so I’ll have to end this entry before too long.  Sorry about the sporadic writing, but what can you do?

So I’ve also been drinking too much.  I’m pretty sure it’s under control, but it still bothers me a little.  Now that I’m dating Keri, though, I think I will eliminate all but the social drinking.  Which I had promised Andrea (Matt’s girlfriend) a while ago, but that is easier promised than obeyed when you’re lonely.  I definitely need to monitor the drinking though, given the family history.

Oh yeah, I let Laura read some of the entries in here when she was at my place.  So the list of those who have seen it are: Maile, Monica, Laura, I think.  Although Sabrina and maybe Summers heard small excerpts from it.  I wonder how I choose who gets to read it.  Not everyone I get involved with reads it.  Scarlett never knew it existed.  No other males know that it exists.  But then, I’ve always favored females as confidants.

Time to land.  Bye for now.


Author: mitcharf

vegan, curmudgeon, animal lover, feminist, agnostic, cat whisperer, bookworm, hermit, Red Sox fan, Cthulhu enthusiast, softball player, man-about-town

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