I'm just an animal looking for a home

Save the Spiders!


(note: date on this entry is approximate, as I did not record the date that I authored it on my web page)

An innocent spider -- when will the massacre end? The noble but oft-maligned spider — many fear them, loathe them, and seek to eliminate their kind. The killing must be stopped! Spiders are not pests, nor are they our enemies. Quite the opposite! Spiders control the insect population — without them, we would be overrun by a torrent of flies!

Some people may be worried that if we do not take action, the spider population will grow out of control. This is not the case. The miserable spider must already contend with the agression of birds, wasps, ants, praying mantises, and, sadly, other spiders. The daddy-longlegs is a particularly troubled spider. In times of hunger, the daddy-longlegs hunts and kills all other spiders, including other daddy-longlegs. Clearly such behavior was learned from their long history of living with human beings. This madness has to end!

So if you find a spider in your room at night (and I’m looking at you here, Katie Eschbacher), do not kill it — let it go on its merry, spider way. If you do not heed my warning, then do not be surprised when spiders become sick of it and leave your house. This may
seem like a blessing, but you’ll think otherwise when you are hip-deep in mosquitos. Trust me.

Innocent spiders such as this one are being killed even as you read this. Stop the killing.
Who knows how many spiders are killed every minute? When humans are killed, it makes the news. It is remembered. People all over the world kill spiders without giving it a second thought, without considering the beautiful creature they are destroying. We are fortunate that spiders have not chosen to prey upon us. Make no mistake — if spiders chose to, they could kill us all. They could hide unseen all around us, until, all at once, they strike. Do you think you could defend yourself from an onslaught of 100 spiders, bent on your destruction? We are indeed lucky that the mighty spider still overlooks our countless transgressions, but we are fools if we think this can last forever. A poor, orphaned spider
This spider’s mother was just crushed by a broom — how many spiders have you orphaned?
The powerful ruler of the spiders Spiders have many secrets. For one thing, spiders speak French. They spoke Spanish until the time of the Spanish Inquisition, which appalled them so much that they switched to French. This was not difficult for the spiders, because they know all languages, living and dead. They use this ability for good, not evil.

Another well-kept spider secret is that they are all ruled by a single spider — Crouton, their king. Crouton is an internationally ranked chess player, and writes poetry in his spare time.

This is Crouton, wise ruler of the Spiders

Author: mitcharf

vegan, curmudgeon, animal lover, feminist, agnostic, cat whisperer, bookworm, hermit, Red Sox fan, Cthulhu enthusiast, softball player, man-about-town

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