I'm just an animal looking for a home

Do you feel lucky, punk?


So last night I did not end up attempting my Netflix streaming 5.1 surround sound test.  Instead I watched Dirty Harry, which while being available in HD, was not available in 5.1.  I was sure I had seen the movie before because, well, how could I have not seen Dirty Harry?  And yet it became clear to me very quickly that I had not.  I also think, embarrassingly enough, that I had somehow merged in my mind the Death Wish movies with the Dirty Harry movies.  A MISTAKE ANYONE COULD MAKE!  Or, anyway, a mistake that I made, albeit unconsciously.  Some observations about the movie:

  • While watching Harry beat on Scorpio, I was thinking to myself “Of course Harry is going to be a hero for this, when in reality Scorpio would end up suing the cops for big bucks.”  Needless to say I was delighted when I found out that various um, creative, tactics used by Harry forced them to release Scorpio since they wouldn’t be able to win a case against him in court.  Not that I watched Dirty Harry expecting it to be a documentary on the US legal system and law enforcement, but it was nice that they didn’t just pretend that he could do whatever he wanted.
  • There was more nudity than I expected, and for the most part it was nudity that was completely irrelevant to the plot — not that I’m complaining.
  • I feel like Hollywood could have made 1000 movies of Clint Eastwood just being a badass tough guy, and I would happily watch all of them.  Come to think of it, I guess they did.  I need to watch the rest.  Speaking of which, I’m considering watching the next Dirty Harry movie tonight after I post this.

Ok, enough about Dirty Harry. Boy, if I had a nickel for every time I started a paragraph with THAT line… But I digress.  One thing I forgot to mention a couple nights back about my trip through all of my old LiveJournal entries — I noticed a couple of entries from 2001 (this one and this one) about an issue I was having with my jaw.  Basically I felt something pop around my jaw/ear area, and for a while afterward (a few weeks, I think) I had some mild pain in that area AND I wasn’t able to bite normally.  My molars on that side wouldn’t touch unless I used more strength than normal.  ANYWAY, at the time I wasn’t sure what the issue was.  My research at the time led me to believe that I perhaps had dislocated my jaw, although it seems like a jaw dislocation would have more severe consequences.  I guess I didn’t give it much more thought since it went away on its own.

Why do I bring this up now, dear readers?  Because this very same thing happened a few months ago.  I’m still not sure what it is, and it went away on its own, so I guess it’s probably not fatal.  Still, it was interesting to realize that I had the very same issue 9 years ago.  Perhaps my jaw is haunted?  Cursed?  Oh, actually, I bet when I was young, before I can remember, I had some accident and they had to replace that part of my jaw with a jaw from a cadaver, and they didn’t realize that the body was that of a notorious and evil killer.  And unlike when you receive something more substantial, like a hand, the right side of my jaw isn’t able to do much evil on its own.  So it has to content itself with causing me minor torment every decade or so.  Well, I believe I can go ahead and file this mystery away in the “Solved” category.  Good work, Detective Mitch — always a pleasure working with you!


Author: mitcharf

vegan, curmudgeon, animal lover, feminist, agnostic, cat whisperer, bookworm, hermit, Red Sox fan, Cthulhu enthusiast, softball player, man-about-town


  1. avatar

    I actually *do* have some cadaver bone graft in my arm. I make jokes about it being evil and taking over from time to time.. a la http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0056056/

    Anyway I hope your jaw gets better quickly! And, yay for new blog. post more now. :D

  2. avatar

    Don’t worry — my jaw is all better…FOR NOW.

    I would think the bone graft in your arm would be far more likely to cause you to do evil things — it’s a good thing you live so far away!

    And I will do my best to keep up with this blog — no promises!!!

  3. avatar

    The pain in your jaw sounds like TMJ (Temporomandibular Joint Syndrome). It’s kind of like spraining your jaw; after all, there are ligaments connecting your jaw to your skull. TMJ is usually the consequence of grinding your teeth at night because of stress and/or drinking too much coffee. There’s also an articular disc in that area cushioning the joint that may have shifted a little out of place, which would explain the popping noise. If it happens again, keep ice packs on it and take ibuprofen, or whatever your NSAID of choice is. Also, wearing a mouth guard while you sleep isn’t a bad idea.

    Having said that, I should also warn you that pain in the jaw can be a precursor to a heart attack, although your age and freaky-ass-vegan- softball-obsessed lifestyle probably disqualify you as a candidate for cardio issues. But still, better make sure the ol’ ticker is O.K. before dismissing it as a joint issue, right?

    So that’s my theory. Not as interesting as your cadaver graft theory, to be sure, but if you keep reporting you bodily ailments on here I’m sure I can come up with some really twisted, macabre explanations for them. ‘Till then…

    • avatar

      Thank you, Dr. Bleh! I’m pretty sure my corpse explanation is right, but I’ll humor you by entertaining your suggestions.

      I was given a clean bill of health at my physical at the beginning of the year, and this has happened to me twice, 9 years apart. So I’m thinking the heart thing is less likely.

      Whenever anyone says TMJ it makes me think of TMZ. That aside, I do drink coffee regularly. I’m pretty sure I don’t grind my teeth while I sleep, but then, how would I know?

      Your recommended course of TMJ treatment is pretty similar to what I did for it, except I didn’t ever ice it, nor did I have a mouth guard. And I guess I didn’t take the anti-inflammatories too often. So, I suppose I didn’t follow your recommended treatment at all!

      A mouthguard could be a wise investment regardless, in case one of my cats tries to punch me in my sleep…

      • avatar

        Trust me, nothing makes you feel sexier than slipping into an empty bed – save for a few cats – wearing a mouth guard. Your desirability factor will skyrocket, along with your self-esteem.
        :0) Dr. Bleh

        • avatar

          Wow… I’m almost unbearably sexy as it is, so if this makes me even sexier, it may cause some sort of rift to open in the fabric of time and space. I’m so sexy it’s a danger to the universe. I need to get some business cards printed up with that on them immediately.

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