I'm just an animal looking for a home

Attention parents!


There are so many dangers to children in today’s world of increasing complexity and decreasing morality.  It is important that parents are constantly on guard for new threats to the safety of their kids.  It is with this in mind that I write this post.  Parents, are your children experimenting with autoerotic defenestration?  Know the warning signs!

  • Staring out open windows longingly
  • Rubbing against window frames
  • Listening to loud music
  • Talking back

Ok, so your child is showing one or more of the warning signs.  What should you do?  The only sure method, of course, is to keep your child away from windows at all times.  Is there a window in their bedroom?  If so, consider moving them into a windowless room, or, at the very least, installing bars in the windows.  And it’s never too early to get your child fitted for a chastity belt.

Please, follow these simple precautions before you find your son or daughter dead or injured on the front lawn, one hand in their pants and a smile on their faces.


Author: mitcharf

vegan, curmudgeon, animal lover, feminist, agnostic, cat whisperer, bookworm, hermit, Red Sox fan, Cthulhu enthusiast, softball player, man-about-town


  1. avatar

    Why do you know so much about this autoerotic defenestration, Sir Mitch of Harf??

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